Last Friday, the staff of Edge of Table Demolition gathered in the break room to say farewell to a long serving colleague, the Tumbler. Over eleven years, the Tumbler has fallen four hundred and twelve times and survived four hundred and eleven of them.
A distinguished career
The Tumbler joined us as a gift from a client, who wanted to be rid of it. It was placed on a shelf, where it stood for a week. On the eighth day it was nudged, fell, bounced, rolled, and settled upright. A hush fell. Gravity Mittens declared it a miracle and a business opportunity.
Since then the Tumbler has been used in training exercises, client demonstrations, and the occasional fundraiser. It has fallen from tables, ledges, shelves, and, on one occasion, from the back of a sleeping dog. It has fallen in four languages.
The farewell
At 4 PM the staff gathered in a circle. Ledger, the accounts cat, read a statement. Pip, who had come from another firm, held a candle, which was extinguished within six seconds. Nudge delivered a eulogy consisting of one long look.
Tributes
“It was the finest object I ever pushed.” Nudge, Senior Foreman.
“It never complained.” Gravity Mittens, Managing Director.
“I have no idea who it is.” The intern.
The final fall
At the end of the ceremony, the Tumbler was placed on the table edge for the four hundred and thirteenth time. It looked down. It looked up. It looked, we like to think, at peace.
Nudge approached. He raised a paw. The staff held their breath. Then, with a delicacy we had never seen before, he pushed it back from the edge, and it stayed.
Aftermath
We were all moved. Nobody spoke. Then someone knocked over the cake.
Where is it now?
The Tumbler has been retired to a high shelf behind a glass door, where it will live out its days in comfort. It is, we are told, extremely bored. We expect it to be on the floor by Tuesday.