We receive many letters. Most are complaints, a few are thanks, and one is a drawing of a cat falling through a roof. The following correspondence, shared with permission, comes from a Mr Gristle.
The letter
Dear Edge of Table Demolition, I did not hire you. I do not know how you got my address. Every morning I place a pen on my desk. Every evening I find it under the sofa, and an hour later, behind the fridge. I would like this to stop.
Our response
Dear Mr Gristle,
Thank you for contacting us. We have reviewed your complaint and are pleased to inform you that we did not do this. Our records show no contract, no invoice, and no visit. We do have a photograph of a cat on your desk, but the cat is not on our books.
Investigation
Nevertheless, we sent Senior Foreman Nudge to review the scene. He observed the pen for three hours, ate a biscuit that was not his, and left. In his report he wrote: “pen was suspicious”.
Our findings
We believe the following events occurred:
- The pen was placed near the edge.
- The edge made a promise.
- The cat kept it.
Our recommendations
- Place the pen in a drawer.
- Place the drawer in a cupboard.
- Place the cupboard in a different home.
We appreciate that this may not be practical. In that case, we advise a pen that is shaped like a cube, which no cat can roll.
A thought
We understand that mornings are hard. We also understand that a pen under a sofa is a minor loss. Over time you may find that you begin to enjoy the hunt. Many of our clients tell us that the daily search is the best part of the day. We think it is the only exercise they get.
Closing
Yours faithfully,
Gravity Mittens
Managing Director
PS: We have enclosed a pen. It is very close to the edge.