Clients often ask us what exactly we do. We are happy to explain, at length, while looking at the item in question and not at you.
Tier one: the Nudge
The Nudge is our entry level service. A single paw, applied to a single object, with a look of mild curiosity. The Nudge is designed for items already near the edge. It is our most popular service, because it is polite, and because everyone thinks they could have done it themselves.
Tier two: the Tap
The Tap is the Nudge, but with commitment. The paw is lifted, held, and brought down with a short and theatrical flick. The Tap is recommended for pens, bottle tops, and objects with a lower sense of occasion.
Tier three: the Sweep
The Sweep is a full arm movement across a surface. It is suitable for a desk, a shelf, or a coffee table, and clears all items in a single, continuous wave. The Sweep requires skill. A badly executed Sweep leaves one cup behind, and that cup will stare at you for the rest of the day.
Tier four: Total Collapse
Total Collapse is our flagship offering. It involves a sustained, unhurried campaign against an entire display, such as a shelf of ornaments, a tray of drinks, or a Christmas tree. The process takes between four and forty minutes and ends with the foreman sitting among the remains, looking at the client as if the client had done it.
What is not included
- Cleaning.
- Apologies.
- Any acknowledgement that we were in the room.
Frequently asked question
Q: Do you do the job while I am watching?
A: Only if you are watching in a way that suggests you do not care. If you are watching in a way that suggests you do, we wait for you to turn around.
Booking
To arrange a demolition, please leave the glass at the edge of a table, and leave the room. Our team will arrive in its own time. We are never early, and we are never on time, but we are always inevitable.