Edge of Table Demolition does not often tell the story of a major client. In this case, the client has agreed to waive confidentiality in exchange for us never mentioning the cake again. We are mentioning the cake.
The brief
A couple, whom we will call the Pembletons, were preparing for their wedding. Their cake, four tiers of sponge with a sugar stag on top, was placed on a folding table in the hall the night before the event. The room was locked. The cake was alone. The table had a slight lean.
The incident
At 11:47 PM, our Senior Foreman Nudge arrived through a window the Pembletons believed was shut. He inspected the cake. He inspected the stag. He sat down opposite the cake, and the two regarded one another for nineteen minutes.
At 12:06 AM, he put out a single paw and touched the stag.
The process
The stag came away first. It dropped to the table, rolled to the edge, and paused, as though it had considered its choices. Nudge watched it with deep professional interest. He then touched the second tier, which was a mistake, because the second tier had been waiting for exactly this.
The result
What followed was a controlled demolition, in four stages:
- The top tier slid left.
- The second tier slid right.
- The third tier tried to stay, and then did not.
- The fourth tier remained, in a moral sense, to the end.
Investigation
The Pembletons’ insurer, an older gentleman with a clipboard, interviewed Nudge for forty minutes. Nudge said nothing. He lay on the clipboard. The insurer wrote “no evidence of intent” and went home.
Our view
We maintain that the cake was already leaning. We maintain that the stag had been uneasy. We maintain that the Pembletons should have known that a four tier cake in a cold hall is not a cake, it is a project.
Outcome
The wedding went ahead, with a replacement cake from a supermarket. Guests said it was the best cake they had ever eaten, and the Pembletons have asked us to stay away from future anniversaries.
We have framed the stag.