Edge of Table Demolition cares about your safety, and by extension, the safety of your possessions, which will not survive. The following list is provided in the interest of full disclosure, and also because Gravity Mittens has asked for a handout.
Things we have been known to demolish
- Glasses, cups, mugs, tumblers and anything that suggests a beverage.
- Pens, pencils, markers, and objects described by their owners as “just there”.
- Plant pots, particularly the one with the very pleased fern.
- Remote controls, keys, and wallets, in descending order of drama.
- Any ornament from a country the owner visited once.
Things you can do to help
We recommend keeping vulnerable items away from edges. We also recommend that you consider whether you are really an edge person or a middle person. Most owners are edge people, and they know it.
Lower risk placements
A higher shelf is not a solution. A cat that cannot reach a shelf is a cat that will find a way. We therefore suggest placing fragile items inside a closed cupboard, within a locked box, inside a different, smaller cupboard. Even then, we cannot promise.
If an item falls
If an item falls, please do the following:
- Check that nobody, including the cat, is injured.
- Do not shout. The cat understands tone, not words.
- Sweep the floor, and keep the cat out of the room until you are done.
- Do not look at the cat. She is waiting for you to look.
Emotional safety
Some owners find a demolition upsetting. Please remember that the item did not mind. Items have no feelings, and if they do, they have already forgiven us.
Final notice
We would like to remind readers that nothing in this notice constitutes professional advice, and that our staff are cats, who do not read, and who are currently sitting on a printer.